23 December 2007

真愛是甚麼?

 

克里希那穆提Krishnamurti:

恐懼不是愛,依賴不是愛,嫉妒不是愛,佔有控制不是愛,責任義務不是愛,自嘆自憐不是愛,不被人愛的痛苦不是愛,愛不是恨的反面,正如謙卑不是虛榮的反面一樣……所謂的愛是屬於完全不同次元的東西,可是你不知道如何進入那美妙的源頭,那麼你該怎麼辦?當你不知道怎麼辦時,你就甚麼都不做,不是嗎?就是這樣,甚麼都不做,然後你的心完全寂靜了,你知道這是甚麼意思嗎?這表示你不再尋找,不再渴望,不再追求了。當自我中心一消失,愛就會出現。

 

史考特‧派克醫師:

為了滋養個人和他人的心靈成長而擴大自己的意願。

 

胡因夢:

一般人的認識卻剛好相反,總認為如果兩個人的關係中沒有佔有慾和嫉妒心,就是“不在乎”對方。我們總認為愛情之中一定要有強烈的感覺,否則就不是愛情了……在兩性的關係中總是不斷立刻做抉擇,或者尋找更理想的狀態,其實這就是“自我”的慾求,基本上和“愛”是扯不上關係的。

 

摘錄自胡因夢《死亡與童女之舞》,圓神出版社,1999年

 

 

22 comments:

  1. 突然有一种恍然大悟的感觉⋯⋯ 谢谢你的分享 (^^)

    ReplyDelete
  2. 哈哈,恍然大悟......對,我們通常就只是在“悟”的境界,要真正的去“做”,真的很難。知易行難嘛。

    要注意這裏至少應該有一個轉折。(至少哦......)
    不是說“當你不知道怎麼辦時,你就甚麼都不做”為什麼不知道應該怎麼做?就因為曾經做太多做太過頭,太over了。就是表示先前至少心中應該充滿了佔有慾和嫉妒心,做到極至之後,令人討厭時。然後,突然之間,不知道應該怎麼辦,頭腦空白一片,不知所措,就甚麼都不做,最後自我才會消失。

    一開始甚麼都不做,這完全不叫愛,這是“沒魚蝦也好”。

    嘻嘻......照這樣的theory,很多人分手不是分得太快?因為很多人就是在不知所措的時候分手,而照它的說法,愛情這個時候才正要開始呢!!!??

    你們自己看著辦吧...不要說這是我的建議,我不負責後果哦...嘻嘻嘻......

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bro Ang, yr 1st posting is very chim but very enlightening. Maybe we should put that into practice. But come to think of it, when you do nothing at all, isnt it like 守株待兔? Waiting for something to happen when it may not. Think the emphasis here maybe is 自我中心. We should do something but shouldn't start off with 自我?

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1, i think i hav clarify that this refers to relationship bet couple. not asking people to 守株待兔 while they don hav partners.

    2, the postings does not tell people to do nothing in the first place but rather people don do anything cos they dono wat to do. do nothing is the result of dono wat to do. also 2nd posting i says dono wat to do may be cos u hav over doing in the first place. means u over do at first --> u dono wat to do --> u don do anything. thats y i don think this is 自我中心.

    3, this is not a definate situation. i don think if u don do anything, there will always be somthing to happen. this is not always happen. if u think this always happen, then it is 守株待兔

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha ha :) Guess i mis-interpret the whole thing cos of my not so well verse in Mandarin. Ha ha. Why i mentioned 自我中心, cos to me that seems to be the focus from the 3 persons' quotes. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. haha... i guess so in the begining whe i saw ur postin. but u r right in some sense. this is a more deep issue in love where u not only see the relationship but also how two individual handle their more internal self.

    in this situation, u hav to look at how love, relationship n self turn n toss.

    ReplyDelete
  7. 讓我用中文分享我和朋友的對話。
    我提到我們這裏談到的是更深入在探討愛情,這裏包含了愛情、兩人之間的關係和兩個人如何處理內心的自我。

    我也談到不做東西,其實愛也不一定會出現(這只是一個方法,方法不一定適合每個人)。如果你相信是不做東西一定會有甚麼結果的話,這樣就是守株待兔。

    ReplyDelete
  8. 我个人觉得两个人在一起生活,就是一起说话,聊天,吃饭,做家务,干活,欣赏景物,吵架,生气,照顾,帮忙,劝告,支持,等等等等。。然后从这些活动,用心对待,真心感受对方;又从中学习,又自己看看有什么需要改进,做得更好,给两个人生活中更开心。
    看起来真的很简单,很无聊是不是?可是我只是这些就够忙的了。还一直在探索,学习中。。

    ReplyDelete
  9. 簡單的事情是最難做的。簡單的數息靜坐,只不過是靜靜的坐著,從一到十循環的數一數你的呼吸,你便可以發現我們的腦筋是多麼活躍,靜靜的簡單的數一二三,是多麼難的一件事。另外,一盤簡單的蛋炒飯是考驗廚師的最大能耐之一。

    qing只是把事情最表面,最外層的行為,很平淡簡單的一一列出來。較內層的,她只是用“用心”“真心”“开心”,三個心來概括。但是我似乎可以感受到她的心。

    我們內心的許多活動和思緒,我們平時有沒有靜靜的簡單的好好的,觀察一下,然後讓我們自己更了解自己,還有我們和別人,甚至與自然、世界、宇宙的關係。

    雖然,這只是一件...簡單的......事情。

    謝謝qing的提醒。讓我們一起相互鼓勵,一直在探索,学习中...

    ReplyDelete
  10. 呵呵。。是啊。讲出来是简单的事,可是做起来是很难哦,甚至还会头痛,苦恼。我以上说的,看起来真的很简单,很平常的事,有些只是平时身为妻子所要做的,可是怎样做得给两个人开心,又是一门功夫咯。
    很喜欢你‘挖’出这些在这里聊聊,让我们醒悟醒悟一下。。。嘻嘻。

    ReplyDelete
  11. 不好意思,我bo的文章一直在改。你剛才看的可能不是最新一版。嘻嘻...

    ReplyDelete
  12. 圣经新约哥林多前书第13章

    1 爱的需要 1~3
    --------------------------
    13:1 我若能说人和天使的方言,却没有爱,我就成了鸣的锣、响的钹。
    13:2 我若有申言的恩赐,也明白一切的奥秘,和一切的知识,并有全备的信,以致能够移山,却没有爱,我就算不得什么。
    13:3 我若将我一切所有的变卖为食物分给人吃,又舍己身叫我可以夸口,却没有爱,仍然与我无益。

    2 爱的定义 4~7
    --------------------------
    13:4 爱是恒久忍耐,又有恩慈;爱是不嫉妒;爱是不自夸,不张狂,
    13:5 不作不合宜的事,不求自己的益处,不轻易发怒,不计算人的恶,
    13:6 不因不义而欢乐,却与真理同欢乐;
    13:7 凡事包容,凡事相信,凡事盼望,凡事忍耐。

    3 爱的超越 8~13
    ----------------------------
    13:8 爱是永不败落;但申言终必归于无用,方言终必停止,知识也终必归于无用。
    13:9 因为我们所知道的是局部的,所申言的也是局部的;
    13:10 及至那完全的来到,这局部的就要归于无用了。
    13:11 我作孩童的时候,说话像孩童,思想像孩童,推究像孩童,既已成人,就把孩童的事废掉了。
    13:12 我们如今对着镜子观看,模糊不清,到那时就要面对面了。我如今所知道的是局部的,到那时就全知道,如同我全被知道一样。
    13:13 如今常存的,有信、望、爱这三样,其中最大的是爱。

    1 Corinthians 13

    The Excellence of Love
    1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
    2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
    3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
    4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
    5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
    6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
    7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
    8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
    9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
    10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
    11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
    12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
    13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

    ReplyDelete
  13. 哇,很喧賓奪主哩...我是不是可以刪掉... :p

    這樣的話,下次你請客吃飯的話,你吃雞飯喝coke,我會吃鮑魚魚翅佛跳牆,喝紅酒白酒香檳酒了。

    (不要在這個後,po五百個字講不要吃魚翅,等環保的問題。我只是舉例而已。謝謝:p)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ha ha.. Zhongliang, 'hen qi dai' catching up with you again. It would be great to have a good chat and discuss about life. Hope to visit Taiwan one day.

    Oh.. not to forget... Wishing you a Happy New Year.

    Best wishes from Brisbane.

    ReplyDelete
  15. sure if u back sg or pass by tw.

    ReplyDelete
  16. sure if u back sg or pass by tw. u hav a peaceful n heathy 2008 n always...

    ReplyDelete
  17. You asked, therefore I complied. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. sure sure.. I'm looking forward to visit taiwan one day. I've got a close friend in taipei. Erm.. I've no idea, it could be far from where you are though.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sure sure.. I'm looking forward to visit Taiwan one day. I've got a close friend in Taipei. Erm.. just not sure if that might be far from where you are. :p

    ReplyDelete
  20. How to get there? By domestic flight? E.g. between Brisbane and Sydney's flight is only around 1hr plus, and driving is around 12hrs.

    ReplyDelete
  21. taoyuan airport-->taipei train/bus sation: 45mins
    taipei train/bus sation-->hualien train station:3 1/2hrs .

    taipei train/bus sation -->taoyuan airport: 45mins
    taoyuan airport-->hualien airport: dono. guess less or 1hr.

    ReplyDelete